Sunday, February 15, 2015

Empire root beer

Background information: They have no website which, in this day and age, is ridiculous.  What could they possibly be trying to hide?  A fleet of Star Destroyers?  I giant base the size of the moon?  The vicious Gungan Grand Army?

All I could find about this company is that it's family owned since the 1930's and that they have a physical location.  Looking it up on Google Maps shows a building with a semi-trailer blocking most of the front.  Very curious indeed.  What better place to stage a strike against the rebel scum?

Product details: 12 fl. oz.  Empire Bottling Works, 61 Buttonwood, Bristol, RI 02809.  401-253-7117.  170 calories, 46g sugar. Glass bottle with twist off top.

Ingredients: Natural artesian spring water, made with 100% cane sugar, natural and/or artificial flavor extracts, citric acid, sodium benzoate (Preservative).

My thoughts: After a couple mediocre root beers, I'm hoping that the force is stronger with this one.  Even though I rooted for the rebellion, the Galactic Empire was pretty cool as well and if Darth Vader had brewed his own root beer, he probably would have named it Empire Root Beer, with a tagline of "Come to the dark side."  So, hopefully this drink is more Vader than it is Jar Jar.

My initial taste was full of root beer flavor, but it leans more towards the artificial side of things.  It seems very one-note, with no complexity to the formula.  Okay, technically it's more two-note, as there is a ton of mint flavor, as the root beer taste dies away and I'm left with a strong wintergreen mint aftertaste.  While I do like some wintergreen, this one veers more towards toothpaste territory.

Perhaps this one can be saved by it's other attributes?  Well, you remember how multi-layered and nuanced the performances were in the prequel trilogy?  Yeah, they fell flat, just like this root beer.  There's a little bit of fizz, but it's quite bland.  Sweetness seems fine, but for a drink as lacking in effervescence as this one, it doesn't seem particularly smooth, as it lacks any sort of creaminess.

If this was the kind of root beer that the Galactic Empire was cranking out, it's no wonder the people rebelled and blew up the Death Star.  This is the sort of drink I'd expect to find on a backwater bar in Mos Eisley, but not something wearing the Emperor's namesake.  No wonder that guy was so grumpy.  Now if only someone would make a Dagobah Draft Root Beer, I bet that Yoda guy could toss in some roots and spices and whip up a mean drink.  As it is, this ends of being the Stormtrooper of drinks, no matter how much it tries, it always misses.

Rating: D
flavor: D
aftertaste: D
sweetness: B
smoothness: C-
carbonation: F+

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