Judge For Yourself! root beer

Background information: (from the website) "Judge For Yourself Root Beer is crafted for those who appreciate the true, unadulterated essence of a classic fountain root beer. We put the power back in your hands, relying on traditional craftsmanship and a blend of natural spices to deliver a verdict of undeniable quality.

Every batch honors artisanal brewing methods, marrying the deep, earthy tones of classic root bark with the bright aromatic lifts of star anise and spicy ginger. We rest our case."

Product details: 12 fl. oz.  Real Soda in Real Bottles, Gardena, CA. 190 calories, 40g sugar. Brown glass bottle with twist off top. https://www.realsoda.com/

Ingredients: Carbonated Water, Cane Sugar, Caramel Color, Citric Acid, Natural and Artificial Flavor, Sodium Benzoate (preservative).

My thoughts: Since I'm obviously a lawyer (okay, I saw a movie about a lawyer once, so that's close enough), I think I'm well within my rights to execute summary judgement on this root beer. No need to bring this to a jury. I can determine whether this root beer goes free or gets a "straight to root beer prison" decree.

Okay, I'm not unhappy with the initial rooty flavor. It has a decent amount of that traditional rooty sassafras taste with a bit of vanilla. It's pleasant, though not necessarily unique. The aftertaste leaves behind a good amount of that flavor, with a slight wintergreen hint. I didn't really feel the ginger that the website mentions, but a maybe I'm just used to the much bigger ginger kick from my ginger beers.

After several complete carbonation failures in a row, I'm happy to report that I judge this one just fizzy enough! It has a mild effervescence, not super aggressive, but it maintains that level through nearly the entire bottle, tapering off slightly at the end, but still decent. This one has a good sweetness level that might feel a tad on the sugary side, but not unpleasantly so. With the more laid back carbonation, this doesn't really froth up with a foamy feel, but the tiny carbonation helps it feel smooth.

After reviewing the evidence on behalf of this root beer, I render my final verdict of: Guilty...of being good. It's a pleasant root beer that won't knock your socks off (that would be 2nd degree assault), nor does it scream at you (disturbing the peace) with new and exciting spice formulations. The carbonation won't stab (attempted murder) at your tongue with bubbles either. So it might not excel in any category, but it's solid all around. Overall, I'm happy with this one.

Rating: B-
flavor: B
aftertaste: B-
sweetness: C+
smoothness: B-

carbonation: B-

Jack Black's Dead Red root beer

Background information: (from the website) "Real Soda" is essentially a name that was coined by original partakers. The concept of Real Soda was conceived in the 1980's by Ginsburg who had been collecting bottle caps since he was four years old and who could not accept the invasion of cans and plastic to the detriment of all of the great sodas that had once been available."

(very long and detailed background available on their website.)

(from the bottle) "Third time available in 420 years." and "Better Dead Red than just plain dead."


Product details: 12 fl. oz.  Real Soda in Real Bottles Ltd., Gardena, CA 90249. For nutrition facts, please call (310) 327-1700.  Glass bottle with twist off top.  http://www.realsoda.com


Ingredients: Carbonated Water, Cane Sugar, Caramel Color, Caffeine, Brazilian Guarana, Sodium Benzoate (to preserve freshness), Citric Acid, Natural and Artificial Flavors, Red #40.


My thoughts: So, Captain Jack Black, scourge of the Tenacious islanDs. I've been avoidin' you, knowing that pirates of ye sort are prone to questionable hygiene and taste in bev'rages, drinkin' down any sort o' swill that crosses yer paths. Will ye' be a rooty beer to satiate me thirst, or will I prefer walkin' the plank?

Yarrrrrrggghhh, what a mighty stench emanates from thy bowels. Is enough to wake the dead and thee kin. Alas, chargin' onward, I lift ye ol' bottle to me lips, to be greeted with the curse of that scalawag Davy Jones, as the flavor that passes into me is a pungent one indeed, that bilge-sucking swine! Some enterprisin' bastard has stolen the very soul of root beer and tainted it with something sour and bile. Even after swallowing down the bitter swill, the ghost of it continues to haunt me to the rotten core.

Can one so vile be sweet? Well, us pirates ain't a discernin' lot, so e'en the least sweet o' them girls is honey to our waggish tongues. So she be okay. To our rough hands, she seems soft and smooth, though the landlubbers might wager differently. As fer the waters, they be tumultuous with bubbles and bite, but we like 'em that way.

Give me the plank! The salty spray of the ocean is needed to wash out this abomination, surely dredged up from the very depths of Hades. The Dread Pirate Roberts might 'ave plucked out me eye, but I may wrench out me own tongue and keelhaul meself before submitting to Jack Black's Dead Red again.

*note: I believe this is the first root beer that I just couldn't finish the bottle. Also of note, I believe this is my 100th root beer review.

Rating: F-
flavor: F-
aftertaste: F-
sweetness: C
smoothness: C
carbonation: B+

Rat Bastard root beer

Background information: I couldn't find any information on the website relating to this root beer. In fact, the website looks like it was designed to be a Geocities page in the 90's and never updated.

(from the bottle) "Quit being a dick   drink it."


Product details: 12 fl. oz.  Real Soda in Real Bottles, Ltd. 190 calories, 40g sugar.  Glass bottle with twist off top. http://realsoda.com/


Ingredients: Carbonated Water, Cane Sugar, Molasses, Citric Acid, Caramel Color, Caffeine, Natural and Artificial Flavors, Herbs: (American, Siberian & Korean Ginseng; Jasmine; Clove; Dong Quai - Angelica; Skullcap (Mud Dog Weed); African Capsicum; Ginko Biloba; Gotu Kola; Goldenseal; Echinacea; Reishi & Shitake Cordyceps); Sodium Benzoate (to preserve freshness).


My thoughts: As one of the odder ingredient lists of all root beers, I had no idea what to expect. Most of them, however, aren't the usual suspects. The label says "It's us against them." I aim to see whether I'm on team "us" or team "them".

I was a bit worried that with all the random ingredients, the flavor would be substantially compromised. My worrying was in vain, however, as this tastes like a run-of-the-mill root beer. It has a bit of sassafras taste and some vanilla, but not a whole lot else. The aftertaste is sort of the same, the flavor slowly fading away. Burping (excuse me!), however, brought forth an unpleasant taste/smell.

This drink seems a bit on the sweet side. It leaves more of a sugary feeling than I care for, but not terribly so. Where it really let me down was the carbonation, falling flat quickly. I think this lack of carbonation also contributes to the syrupy consistency that makes it seem sugary. It's hard to rate smoothness, as the lack of carbonation makes it hard to compare to a properly carbonated beverage, but it's probably average.

Overall, the flavor was more average than I expected from all the weird ingredients, but it was fairly lackluster. The lack of carbonation was a major letdown and probably the single biggest negative influence on my final rating. There are much better root beers out there, so I can't really recommend this one.


Rating: D
flavor: C
aftertaste: D
sweetness: C-
smoothness: B
carbonation: F

Mason's root beer

Background information: (there doesn't seem to be a real website for this brand, so here's what Wikipedia has to say) "Mason's Old Fashioned Root Beer is an American brand of root beer. It is owned by the Monarch Beverage Company of Atlanta but is not widely distributed.

Mason's Root Beer was first manufactured in 1947 by Mason & Mason, Inc. of Chicago, Illinois. During its early years, Mason's Root Beer and flavors line were widely distributed in the Midwest as well as some Southern states.

In 1970, the Rheingold Corporation entered the soda pop business with the purchase of Grapette, changing the company's name to Flavette. The Flavette division subsequently purchased the Dr. Wells soda pop brand and Mason & Mason, Inc. In 1975, Rheingold and its Flavette division were purchased by PepsiCo, Inc. in a hostile takeover. The Federal Trade Commission felt that PepsiCo owned too many brands and forced it to divest several of its brands. By 1978, Mason's Root Beer had been acquired by Monarch Beverage Company but was mostly shelved in favor of the higher-volume Dad's brand of root beer, which Monarch acquired in 1986."

Product details: 12 fl. oz.  Produced under the authority of the Monarch Company, Inc, Atlanta, GA 30342. 160 calories, 40g sugar.  Glass bottle with twist off top.  http://www.realsoda.com/


Ingredients: Carbonated water, sugar, caramel color, sodium benzoate (a preservative), citric acid, natural and artificial flavors.


My thoughts: Just as some of the greatest buildings of the antiquities were expertly built by master stonemasons, so I expect this root beer to have been crafted by only the finest of sodamasons, exemplifying the pinnacle of technical and artistic achievement.  Part of that expectation is met: it was crafted, but certainly by no root beer artisan.  It has a nice strong typical root beer flavor upon initial taste...and not really anything else.  Maybe a hint of vanilla in the quickly dying aftertaste, but that's it.  Sweetness is average and uninspiring, and the carbonation is a bit weak.  This root beer does nothing above and beyond the generic stuff in the cans on your local grocer's shelf.  Boringly average.  Next!


Rating: C-
flavor: C
aftertaste: C-
sweetness: C
smoothness: B
carbonation: C-